The Art of Balance: DBT Skills for Healthier Relationships
In Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), many of the concepts and skills focus on increasing our ability to think flexibly and find balance. One area that I often explore with clients is their ability to balance maintaining the relationships in their lives with maintaining their own self-respect. This usually comes up after a client voices feeling lonely, saddened, frustrated, or even resentful due to the amount of effort they feel they’ve given to others. It’s very common for this imbalance to remain unchanged out of people’s fears of potentially losing relationships. So how can we find more evenness?
The two DBT skills that are used for this are GIVE and FAST. The first is for improving and continuing relationships. This can be done by being gentle in communication, acting interested in what others are sharing, offering validation, and keeping an easy manner with flexibility and humor. Most of us are pretty decent at this skill because the fear of losing others is stronger than the fear of not caring for ourselves. But when we don’t prioritize our self-respect and care, this too can get in the way of our ability to sustain the relationships in our lives.
The FAST skill is used to better our relationship with ourselves. This is done by being fair to yourself and the situation, not over-apologizing, sticking to your values, and being truthful. These seem simple enough but when fear or anxiety is driving and telling us that setting boundaries or saying no will lead to people leaving, it’s easy to see how the FAST skill gets minimized.
If you are seeking more balance with yourself and others, therapy is a perfect place to begin exploring how to do so. DBT reminds us that GIVE and FAST are skills, and just like other skills you have to practice before you feel you’re good at it.
Hi, I’m Amanda Kieser
I believe that everyone is on their own journey, and that we are meant to learn and change along the way. I help my clients better understand their own feelings, thoughts, and experiences. I work with people coping with depression, anxiety, disordered eating or eating disorders, and body image concerns. I also loves helping clients with identity work, attachment styles, and reparenting.