Stress is a large part of the human experience. It’s the response that comes up when we are challenged or are faced with ongoing barriers. Stress often comes from external triggers and can be difficult to manage. But sometimes, it doesn’t even seem possible to manage our stress. It’s too big, too uncertain, too quick moving, and too mind-boggling to even begin to sort out. This feeling might actually be overwhelm and not stress, but distinguishing these two emotions can be tricky.

As named, stress is a natural response to difficulties and responsibilities. It can result in irritability, restlessness, fatigue, sleep and digestive issues, and anger (APA, 2022). Yet stress usually subsides once this external trigger is handled or gone. In her book, “Atlas of the Heart”, Brené Brown uses jargon from her years in restaurant work to describe the feeling of stress. She calls it “being in the weeds” and in her restaurant days if a waiter came back from the floor saying this is how they were feeling, they were then encouraged to delegate tasks and get support. When we are stressed, we often need resourcing and problem solving to help. But the need is very different when we are overwhelmed.

Brené Brown uses her restaurant jargon to describe the emotion of overwhelm. It’s when we’re “totally blown over” by a situation, she says. This state often feels like our life is unfolding at a rate that we can’t possibly keep up with. This can understandably lead to us panicking, freezing, running, or fighting it. With overwhelm, Brown states that our need is no longer about delegating and problem solving, but actually about stopping and getting a break from the current situation. The waiter who’s “blown over” has to drop everything they’re doing and leave the restaurant for at least 10 minutes because overwhelm usually only dissipates once we can again feel like we’re keeping up with our life.

Distinguishing between stress and overwhelm is nuanced, but it can make a meaningful difference. Next time you notice yourself feeling one of these states, try asking what the real need is. Do you need help - or do you really need a break? Even that small reflection might clarify what would be most supportive for you in the moment.

Author Amanda Kieser works with adults who are struggling with stress and anxiety, depression, and the impacts of previous trauma. Learn more about Amanda here.

When Does Stress Become Overwhelm?